Will of Fire, Soul of Ramen
by Schwepcn
Summary: Growing up Naruto had two father figures: Teuchi of Ichiraku Ramen and the Hokage. What if he had decided to emulate Teuchi rather than the Hokage? Smart/reluctant Naruto
1. Chapter 1

Sarutobi looked down at Naruto with remorse. There were so many thing he could have done over the years. Spend more time with the boy. Provide a better home. Ban all ramen from Konoha. "Naruto, I am sure that you do not mean that. Being a Ninja is a great-"

"I am going to be the best ramen chef in the world. Ramen is best so if I am best at ramen then I'm best and everyone will have to acknowledge me!"

"Naruto, stop chewing on the rope. Look at this picture. You wearing my hat. If you worked hard you could be Hokage one day and be acknowledged by everyone as the greatest ninja in the village."

"Jiji, I was two. I didn't know better. Now I know the ramen is life. Hail the ramen!" Naruto made a jump for the window and was barely restrained by Dog and Cat.

"Naruto, you will attend the academy or I will ban ramen." Naruto went rigid in Dog's arms. "If you don't pass I will ban ramen. If you don't lay of the pranks I will ban ramen. If you don't wash behind your ears I will ban ramen. If you don't-"

"Sir, the subject has passed out."

"Very well. Take him home. Make sure that he starts at the academy tomorrow."

"Yes, sir." Dog and Cat chorused and shunshined away.

x x x

5 years later

"Aw shucks. I failed again. I guess I'm never going to be a ninja now. I guess I'm just going to go sit forlorn and alone on the swing."

"Tone it down, dobe."

"Thanks, teme."

Naruto sat watching all his class walk past wearing their new headbands. He sighed. He sighed again. Deciding he had shown the correct amount of care and concern he stood up and started to walk toward his new career. "Ramen is life. Ramen is all. Hail the ramen for the ramen sustains us."

Mizuki swung down from a building blocking Naruto's path. "Naruto, I need to speak with you. There is a secret path to becoming a ninja. If you go to the Hokage's tower and-"

"I'm sorry, Sensei, but Iruka was right. If I can't even do a simple clone then I am never going to become a super strong ninja. Ah well, I will just have to while away my life in servitude. Nothing more than a simple chef. Alas, woe is me."

"Naruto, if you do not take this test then I will have to inform the Hokage."

"-Gulp- On second thought everyone deserves a second chance even the dead last in his class who poured pink paint on his instructor or stole his instructor's lunch or told the lady at the flower shop that his instructor was gay or replace his instructor's tobacco with weed or-"

"Not going to work, Naruto. Now here is what you have to do. Tonight you have to go into the Hokage's tower and take the large scroll kept behind his desk. From that scroll learn one jutsu and they will have to acknowledge you as a truly great ninja. If you do not succeed I will have no choice but to tell the Hokage that you have willfully wasted the opportunity I am giving you."

x x x

Later that night

"Right, let's crack this puppy open. What technique to learn, what technique to learn... Great Divine Winds, can destroy a city in one breath. Too awesome, they would make me a ninja if I learned that. Summon the death god? Too awesome. Suicidal explosion? Too permanent. Shadow clones? Every ninja can use clones. Nothing special there. Perfect."

Naruto stood up and began to practice and then stopped almost immediately. "Huh, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be."

"Quit talking to yourself. You sound like an idiot."

"Hey, are you making fun of me? You're just a clone."

"I'm not the clone. You're the clone, clone."

"Oh yeah, take this, clone!" Naruto swung lifting Other Naruto off his feet and onto his back. Other Naruto flung a kunai into Naruto's gut and Naruto puffed into a cloud of smoke.

"Now who is a clone, clone?" Naruto walked over to a tree and scratched a large X in the bark. Staring at the X he made another clone.

"Hey, clone, how did you switch with me. You know that ain't very funny."

"Stop, we already know the person looking at the X is the original therefore you are the clone. Now I want you to go get some takeout form Ichiraku while I wait here for Mizuki."

"Screw that. If I'm just a clone then I have what, a few hours to live? Carpe diem, sucker." Clone Naruto disappeared into the trees.

"Huh, well, no way will they make me a ninja with such a useless skill. Perfect." Naruto went back over to the scroll lay down and went to sleep only to be jerked awake with a kunai in his stomach. Gasping he look down and saw uninterrupted fabric. That was odd... he was jumping from building to building to get to Ichiraku's before he dispelled so that at least he would have the comfort of ramen to guide him in the afterlife when a ninja had run him through with a knife. "Wait... dispel? Did the clone... oh shit, someone wants to kill me. Why? I never did anything bad. Well there was that one time, but that doesn't count. He was drunk. Or that one time, but he was sober. What the hell am I going to do?"

"Naruto! What the hell have you done?"

"Irukathankyouthankyouthankyo u -gasp- I finished the test and made a clone but then someone tried to kill me and I-"

"Test? Naruto, what test?"

"The one Mizuki told me to take. Go get scroll. Learn jutsu."

Iruka gasped and in a piece of dramatic timing kunai shot out of the darkness towards the duo. "Naruto, look out!" Iruka pulled Naruto behind him.

"Figured it out too late, Iruka. I am going to be taking that scroll now, Naruto."

"Wait a moment, what is going on?"

"Mizuki is betraying the village. He used you to get the Forbidden Scroll."

"That has got to be the dumbest plan I have ever bloody heard." Mizuki and Iruka looked at Naruto dumbstruck. "What? It is. I'm not even a genin. I am the lowest ranking in my class for a reason. The probability that I could sneak into the most heavily guarded location in Konoha and steal the most heavily guarded secrets in Konoha is ludicrous. On top of that the Hokage personally knows me. If he asked why I was trying to do something so stupid as steal his scroll I would tell him. And he would believe me."

A wet thump emanated from Mizuki and Mizuki slumped to the ground revealing the Sandaime. "That is enough, Naruto. Come to my office. You too, Iruka. Bring the scroll."

Sarutobi looked across the desk at Naruto. "Naruto, I told you five years ago that if you did not apply yourself to becoming a ninja I would ban ramen from Konoha. Silence, Iruka, this is between me and Naruto. I have looked at your transcripts. I then looked at your tests and even observed your practicals. Naruto, with the exception of ninjutsu you passed all the requirements to become a ninja. I understand your unique problems to chakra control so I was going to write you a waiver-"

"What!" Naruto and Iruka chorused. "Hokage, he cannot do a clone. It is a basic requirement to pass. You can't pass-" "I failed. Fair and square. I can't become a ninja now. Three strike policy. That is the law. You wrote it yourself and-"

"Shut up. The both of you. Iruka, do you remember Rock Lee? He passed without clones because of his other skills just like a hundred other ninjas over the year. Naruto, this is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. My dictatorship and I say you pass. Besides, you can do a clone now so you don't even need a waiver."

"I'm going to make you regret this old man. I'm gonna huff, and I'm gonna puff and I'm gonna blow this house down." He stood up and stalked towards the door.

"Naruto, that technique is not in the forbidden scroll for its destruction. It is there for its crudity. Don't bluff if you didn't even read the description of the technique."

**Author's Notes: I do not own Naruto.**

**In case you were wondering it didn't come up but the reason that Sarutobi allowed the hunt for Naruto was to flush out any of Mizuki's accomplices quickly.**


	2. Chapter 2

"God dammit, Hokage-jiji. I'm gonna get you for this. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu__._ Me, we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk with you. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. _Hey me, you."

"Hey you, me."

"You two talk this thing out. I'm not going to miss my shift." Naruto said as he jumped out of the window and roof ran to Ramen Ichiraku. "Sorry I am late, Oto-san. You would not believe the night I have had."

Teuchi turned toward Naruto. "I heard, Naruto. Iruka came by. He said that you passed?"

"Um, well, yes. But I think I might have a solution."

"Naruto, the deal we made is sacrosanct. You can't be a ninja and serve ramen. The average genin lives twelve years. You are not going to be average. You are not going to end up on that damn memorial stone. Do you understand me, Naruto."

"One more shift, Oto-san. At the end of that I will have a solution or I... or I will dedicate myself to the way of the ninja. Forgive me, ramen."

"One last shift. Those noodles need to be prepped."

The next few hours fell into an easy rhythm. Orders in and noodles out, just like it had been for as long as Naruto cared to remember. "Naruto stop lazing around and get back behind the counter."

"What?" Naruto looked up from washing bowls. "Oh great. I'm here. Hey you two, what did I decide?"

"Give us ramen then we talk."

"And you'll pay with what?"

"Your money, idiot."

"You trying to pay in vanishing ryo, bastard?"

"Don't talk about your mom like that, jackass. You pay for ramen. Then we talk."

"Uh, Oto-san, can I pay you back?"

"Sure, um, hey Naruto, you never did tell me about your night. Where did those two come from?"

"Oh, I broke into the Hokage's tower, stole the forbidden scroll, and learned how to duplicate myself. It's too bad that I don't seem to like myself. I think I may have deep seated emotional issues from my tragic upbringing. Thank goodness I have you and Nee-chan to support me in my trials."

"Stop trying to butter me up and get to the point."

A cloned Naruto spoke up. "We can create clones that last for at least an entire shift. Moreover when one dispels the creator gains the memories. So if I create a clone and that clone dispels I gain that clone's memories but meatbag over there doesn't until I dispel. We spent the last two hours testing it out." Clone Naruto counted off on his fingers, "I can create a clone, then my clone can create a clone, that clone can create a clone and that clone dies if it tries to make a clone."

"Right," said the second clone, "So we took a vote and split up-"

"Wait. Wait. Stop. How many of me are running around right now?"

"About twenty. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, we took a vote and decided that we will work here."

"Well, what do you think, Oto-san? Can I still work here?"

"As long as you don't slack off on your training. If I so much as a moment think that you are slacking off then-" Teuchi jabbed with his knife impaling a clone Naruto. "Naruto! You must be always prepared. Three laps around Konoha."

"Yes, sir." The other clone jumped off the stool and started to sprint away.

"Not you. The meatbag Naruto. You get behind the counter."

"I don't think I like being meatbag Naruto."

"I hear you talking. I better hear you running. Move, you maggot."

x x x

Over the course of the next week Naruto discovered a lot about himself. He was very lazy and would refuse to do any basic chores. He loved board games, he just never had anyone to play before. Unfortunately all his clones refuse to play with him so he only had memories of enjoying board games. He was very nosy and enjoyed observing people just a little too much. The reason all of his academy jutsus didn't work was because he had too much chakra. His clones didn't have any problems and could do a perfect henge which made snooping all the easier.

What he discovered about the village was shocking. For years he thought if he acted crazy enough they would never allow him to become a ninja. It was a terrible realization that all ninja were insane.

The morning of the team announcements Naruto woke up with the mother of all headaches. He had been spying on the Hokage. No, wait, he had been spying on Iruka. He had invented a peanut butter radish ramen. He had watched a thirty something man hug a teenage boy and then there was a sunset and, oh sweet merciful ramen, why couldn't he look away, why? He curled into a fetal ball and whimpered until his alarm went off.

Getting to the academy he placed his face on the desk and wished for sweet oblivion. "Hey dobe, why are you still here?"

"Do you know how you get to be Hokage? You get real good at cheating. I been done cheated, teme."

"Well, as long as you aren't on my team."

"I am. Team 7. Me, you, and the pink infidel. Lead by Kakashi Hatake otherwise known as Two Hour Kakashi, Copy Ninja Kakashi, and sworn rival of Maito Gai."

"How do you know?"

"Spied on the Hokage. Talked to Gai. Don't want to talk about it."

"You spied on the Hokage? How the hell did you do that, dead last?"

"Turns out henge is really easy to do when you are close to chakra exhaustion. I mean really easy. What am I even doing here? I know the team selections. See you after lunch, teme." Naruto jumped out the window.

x x x

After lunch

"_Big Head no Jutsu._ Naruto, where the hell were you!"

Naruto stifled a giggle. He would never tell Iruka but the _Big Head no Jutsu_ made him look like a bobble head. "Preparing for New Sensei, Old Sensei."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw an old lady in my path so I had to take a detour around the village then I helped a black cat cross the street of life. It's harder then it sounds because you have to do it nine times. I don't know how New Sensei manages it, Old Sensei."

"Sit down, Naruto. If you move from that chair I will tie you down and let Sakura explain the benefits of well rounded diet."

"Cruel, Old Sensei. I have taught you well." Naruto walked to the back of the room and pulled out Monopoly. "I'm the shoe, what do you want to be Sasuke?"

"Team 8 already left, dobe."

"The reason our sensei is called Two Hour Kakashi is that the is always at least two hours late."

"Interesting. Got anything else?"

"Plenty. But none of it is useable. This guy reads porn in public. He's tardy when meeting the Hokage. The only thing he fears is Maito Gai and all should fear Gai. His youth burns like bleach. Promise me Sasuke, promise me you will not go to Gai to seek power. His ways are dark and none who walk them ever return."

"What are you-"

"You remember Rock Lee? Graduated last year? Here is a picture of him now. Fear Gai, teme, fear him."

"That, that, oh god, where did he get those eyebrows? What the hell is he wearing?"

"The Most Youthful Jumpsuit of the Hidden Leaf. Hey Sakura. Get over here. I'm the shoe, Sasuke is the battleship, what do you want?"

"Why would I ever play with you? Last time we talked I woke up two days later strapped to a hospital gurney with a record talking about how wonderful ramen is. You're a freak, Naruto."

"Everyone can make a little mistake, -cough- heretic -cough-. How was I to know subliminal messaging was bunk? Besides we are team mates now and Monopoly is boring with just two people. Sasuke will protect you. Right Sasuke?"

Sakura reappear so quickly next to Sasuke that she left an afterimage behind. "Oh, I know he will. Sasuke could beat you up with one hand behind his back. Couldn't you Sasuke?"

"Damn you, dobe." Sasuke glared at Naruto.

Sakura naturally misunderstood Sasuke's intention. "Thank you, Sasuke, I just didn't know what I would do with him on my team. But with you there too..."

"I'm the banker. Sakura, you can be the dog." Naruto said.

"Just what are you implying?" Sakura's eyes went white and her hair started to rise up. A buzz filled the air and Sasuke and Naruto felt an icy hand reaching into their chests.

"Uh, nothing? Wheelbarrow?" A shared look between Naruto and Sasuke sealed the mutual understanding that they should really rethink Sakura. They did not want her angry, they wouldn't like her if she was angry.

After the first game lasted less than ten minutes with Naruto owning the entire board they had to modify the rules. They rolled the dice three times then alternated who got first and last pick of the dice rolls. That evened out Naruto's insane luck enough for another game to last two hours.

The argument over free parking ended when the classroom door slid open to reveal Kakashi's slumped over form. "Initial impression? I hate you. Meet me on the roof in five."

"This is all your fault, Naruto!" Sakura yelled as she and Sasuke ran out. Naruto made a clone to clean up and ran after.

"Ok, let's begin with some introductions. Your likes, your dislikes, hopes and dreams."

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen and board games. I hate my job. My dream is to make the perfect bowl of ramen."

"Uchiha Sasuke. I like training. I hate fangirls. I dream of becoming self actualized. The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference, and the opportunity to rip out my brother's eyes."

Sakura gaped at Sasuke. _Rip out his brother's eyes!_ "Um, well, um, I'm Haruno Sakura. I like flowers and books. I hate that orange clad freak. My dream is to..." _Rip out his brother's eyes! _"... to become a great kunoichi and shove it into Ino-pig's face!"

Kakashi looked at the trio. The trio looked at Kakashi. "Well?" Kakashi said.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to ask about me?"

"Two hour Kakashi. Loves porn. Hates spandex. Dreams that the Green Beast of Konoha will choose another rival."

"You aren't cute little genins at all. I'm going to enjoy tomorrow. You aren't actually genin yet, the test isn't over and tomorrow I'm your opponent. Out of twenty-seven graduates only nine will become genin. A sixty-six percent failure rate. Haha, what do you think about that?"

A giant poof announced the arrival of a dozen clones who formed a chorus line. "The Sun'll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow that there'll be sun!"

Kakashi facepalmed. "Not cute, not cute at all. Naruto, stop doing your happy dance."

**Author's Notes: ****I do not own Naruto.**

**Slightly longer chapter and slightly slower. Have to build the groundwork. Next: The bell test and fun with clones.**

**The Oto-san prefix is used for fathers. Naruto views Ichiraku Ramen as his family and vice versa.**

**I am going to try to avoid bashing. Sakura comes pre-bashed in canon so she is a little tough to write. I'm hoping that she becomes less of a caricature as time goes on. It helps that this Naruto isn't so desperate for attention that he latches onto her like a chihuahua. In this universe Sasuke is already more balanced, let's say that he received psychiatric treatment after his brother mind raped him (Itachi has some serious issues).**


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Sasuke, Sakura, how are you doing." Sakura turned her back on Naruto and began to sharpen a kunai. "Still not talking to me?"

"Shut up, Naruto."

"Alright. I guess you don't want to play Clue then, eh?" Naruto took the box out of his pack and shook it suggestively. "No? Seriously Sakura, don't you want to play?"

"Shut up, Naruto. Sensei hates us because of you. I am never to going to pass this test because of you. You ruined my life!"

"Sakura, the average genin lives twelve years. There is a twenty percent fatality in the first year alone. You don't even know why you want to become a ninja. If you fail then I did you a favor."

"A favor? I'm going to kill you." Naruto did the only sane thing he could do. He put his ninja training to use and ran like the hounds of hell were after him. "Stay still so I can kill you, you damn freak!"

Sasuke jumped inside of her swing, swept her legs and threw her into a circle intersecting with the ground. "I'm just going to hold you here until you calm down. Alright, Sakura? Now I want you to inhale. Good. Now exhale and feel the anger leaving you. Now inhale. Now exhale."

Twenty minutes later Naruto came back to the edge of the clearing. "Hey Sasuke, is she still going to kill me?"

"No, we worked through her anger and now we are ready for reconciliation. Is there something you would like to say, Sakura?"

"I'm sorry, Naruto." Muttered Sakura.

"Now Sakura, I'm sure he can't hear you and you need to tell him what you are sorry for."

"I'm sorry I tried to kill you, Naruto."

"Very good, Sakura. Now Naruto is there something that you would like to say?"

"I'm sorry that I, uh, insulted you?"

"Good. Now I want you to shake hands and then we can put this entire thing behind us." Naruto shuffled into the clearing and held out his hand. Sakura took it and they stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do. "Okay, now I want each of us to share a positive affirmation. Naruto, your words hurt Sakura before so you can begin."

"Oh hell no, Meat, time's up." A second Naruto stepped out behind a tree counted out some cash and handed it over to the clone.

"Naruto, I am hurt that you didn't trust Sakura. Now I want you to apologize."

"Did they up your medication again, teme? You should really lie down."

"Kakashi told Inoichi about my maladjusted comments about Itachi's eyes. We agreed that I needed more therapy. And drugs. Happy little white pills..."

Sakura was looking over at the departing clone. "Did you just pay your clone? Why would you need to do that?"

"10 ryo." Naruto held out a hand. Sakura's forehead developed a twitching vein but she forked over the cash. "As a member of The Church of Incarnated Ramen we come from Meat and we return to

Meat. That is our way. Meat creates us and we shall protect him for he is our savior. We do not serve him for he is our destroyer."

"You're a damn clone. Where the hell is Naruto?"

The clone rubbed the back of his head and laughed in embarrasment. "He's still hiding. You were really scary, Sakura. Gotta go."

"NARUTO! GET OVER HERE NOW!"

A voice drifted from the woods. "Are you going to hurt me?"

"Not if you can tell my why your clones are in a cult with you as the messiah."

"Don't look at me. I follow the First Church of Ramen. They're a heretic branch and I'm not their messiah. I'm just their afterlife."

Kakashi didn't know whether to laugh or was he going to pass them with the Uchiha drugged to the gills, Pinky trying to kill a teammate, and Minato's kid deliberately failing? Maybe he should have done more than ask for the top two students and Naruto. But that would have cut into his Ichi Ichi time. No, he nodded to himself, he made the correct decision.

He shunshined down in front of his genin interrupting what was hopefully not another murder attempt. Pinky said something about him being late. He used excuse number seven and led straight into his prepared speech, "The rules are simple. I have here two bells. If you get a bell you pass. If you don't get a bell you fail. Naruto, I talked to the Hokage. The usual deal applies, you try to fail and no ramen in Konoha. Forever."

Naruto chuckled walked over to lie down next to Sasuke. "I spent last night going over the village by-laws. It is amazing what a person can do when they are motivated and command a small army. When I received my hitae-ate was recognized as an adult and a ninja. This second test was supposed to be hidden and so it wasn't written into law, therefore under the laws of the village if I fail this test it will be the same as if I was a genin but then got kicked out. Meaning that I will be an adult and free to open an Ichiraku Ramen wherever I want. Ayame-neechan was just talking about how much she wanted to visit The Land of Waves."

Kakashi glared at his reluctant student, "Wait here, I'll be right back." He shunshined away.

It took Sakura a few moments to get over shock. Naruto's explanation just increased her confusion. Why would the Hokage threaten one student? Naruto's answer of "It's a secret, I'm not supposed to know. Ask your parents" didn't calm her down.

Her line of attack was interrupted by Kakashi's return. "Naruto, if you don't try to get the bells I'm going to go on a date with Ayame." He waved a napkin in front of the trio and let out a perverted giggle. "I've got all of her digits right here. I think I'll ask her if she wants to reenact page 34 of Ichi Ichi Paradise? Maybe with a feather rather than a pen?"

"You bastard!" Naruto lunged forward drawing his kunai. Kakashi vanished and reappeared behind Naruto.

"Oh, good. I don't even have to tell you to come at me with intent to kill."

Sasuke stood up, "Naruto, make your clones. We can take him."

"_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu_." Fifty clones popped into existence around the duo.

"Oh hell no, we're not getting involved in this. We're out of here." The mass exodus was interrupted when a fireball consumed a clone.

Sasuke pointed at Kakashi, "Surrender is forbidden. The only failure is to never attempt. Now forward, attack!"

"Gentlemen, I believe we must correct our erstwhile compatriots' misconceptions in a fashion that cannot be misinterpreted. Let us place our footwear up their posteriors." The clones as one turned on Naruto on Sasuke. They put up a good fight. The fact that clones couldn't take a hit gave a large advantage but the numbers were too high. The first wave of clones piled on while the second wave prepared to kick ass.

"Why me? He's the one who threatened you. Attack him."

"Alas, we must apply negative reinforcement to you too. Otherwise how will you learn?"

Kakashi bent double trying to breathe through his guffaws. Seeing her chance Sakura snuck up behind the jonin and made a grab for the bells. Kakashi instinctively grabbed her hand and flung her into the pile of clones. He looked at his hand then looked at the pile, "You pass!" The brawl stopped immediately.

"Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit."

"You saw through the test and used teamwork. The comedy duo distracted while Pinky tried to get the bells."

"We didn't get the bells."

"Doesn't matter, Naruto. Point of the test is teamwork and I saw teamwork. Hokage wants to see you. The rest of you be here tomorrow at Seven."

x x x

Sarutobi had looked forward and feared this day for the last twelve years. He look over his desk at Naruto. "Naruto, I decided to tell you this when you became a genin. Now that day has come. Twelve years ago the Yondaime did not kill the kyuubi. He sealed it away in a newborn. He sealed it away in you."

"Alright thanks." Naruto stood up and stretched.

"You don't look very surprised."

"I figured it out years ago. Everyone in the village knows. It just seemed really awkward to tell you that I knew." Naruto left the Hokage appropriately flabbergasted as he went to explain to Ayame what a terrible person his new sensei actually was.

**Author's Note: ****I don't own Naruto.**


	4. Chapter 4

"He is a very bad man, Ayame-neechan. He's only going out with you to get back at me."

"He said you would say that. I know you are just trying to be protective of me and it is very sweet of you but I can take of myself."

"He reads porn in front of kids."

"Nonsense. Why would such a dreamy guy need to read porn. You shouldn't make up stories about your sensei."

"He's always late. He's going to stand you up."

"I'm going to stand who up?"

"Kakashi! You're just in time. Naruto, mind the shop while I'm out."

"_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu_." Naruto pitched his tone so only Kakashi could hear him, "Follow them. If he tries anything then burn his Ichi Ichi."

x x x

Sakura arrived at the training ground the next morning to find Sasuke inspecting his hands and a dozen clones flinging rocks at Naruto. "Can I have one? Thanks. Naruto, ramen sucks!" The Narutos all froze allowing her to bean the one in the center. "My mom said she couldn't tell me. She said you were trying to get her killed. Now talk."

"Fine, fine. First year at the academy I bought second hand text books so I could spend more on ramen. The textbooks talked about how a hundred years ago Hashirama ended the First Shinobi War -I'm getting there, Sakura- by sealing the first eight of the bijuu and giving them to his allies. The bijuu were then sealed inside of ninja, called jinchuriki, and using their power the hidden villages were formed. The ninth tailed beast was sealed when Madara used it against Hashirama at the Valley of the End. Hashirama sealed it inside of his wife _Uzumaki_ Mito.

"The next year I had to buy new textbooks and I found that all of that was removed. A little bit of eavesdropping and I found out that nobody was supposed to tell me. I just assumed that everyone else knew."

"The yondaime killed it you idiot."

"Nope, sealed it inside my tummy. I'm eating for two."

Sasuke looked up from his hand, "How did Madara control the kyuubi?"

"Don't know."

"If you're going to lie to us you can at least make it believable," said Sakura.

"Believe what you want to believe. I have to finish my workout before Kakashi gets here."

Sakura harrumphed and sat down next to Sasuke. They watched as Naruto walked over to a tree and placed his foot on the tree. He stood there for a few seconds and raised his other foot off the ground. He slowly brought it up and took a step up the tree. "How are you doing that?" Sakura yelled causing Naruto to lose his concentration and land on his backside.

"Ow. It's a chakra exercise Teuchi-otosan told me about. You put chakra on your feet."

"Huh." Sakura turned around and walked up the tree she had been sitting under.

"No god damn fair. I've been doing this for a damn week and you get it the first time."

Sasuke stood up. "Idiot will be idiots. Oh, I'm sorry that could be seen as hurtful language. I only meant to imply that you were inferior to me, Naruto. Please do not take it personally." He placed a foot on the tree and promptly fell on his ass.

The three genin spent the next few hours climbing trees while they waited for Kakashi. By the time Kakashi showed up Sasuke had caught up to Naruto's slow walk and Sakura was running through the tree tops.

Kakashi happily shunshined in. His date went well even if Naruto had been spying on him the entire time, his team hadn't killed themselves yet, and the next Ichi Ichi was coming out next week, life was good.

"Sensei, is the kyuubi really sealed in Naruto?" Sakura said.

"He really told you... such a ridiculous story. Ah, that Naruto always making up stories. Such a kidder. Hahaha."

Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other. "Oh shit."

x x x

Everyone needed a hobby. The Hokage's hobby was collecting the shattered dreams of his new genin. "Your mission if you choose to accept it."

Kiba grabbed the scroll, "I am honored, Hokage. I will be proud to-" breaking open the scroll "-weed old lady Shimura's garden?"

Ah, that was it. That look of disappointment would last him another year. "Send in the next." Kakashi trailed his genin in and signaled "Pink Red know Orange fox" to the hokage.

"Flank independently." The hokage signed back. "Your mission if you choose to accept it," he said.

"Dog walking duty? Awesome. Thanks, Hokage-jiji." Naruto left the office humming to himself.

Sarutobi twitched, ruin his day would he? He signed to Kakashi "Change plan. Strike Orange."

x x x

"Oho, my eternal rival. You may lead me by two points but my flame of youth will never darken. If I do not beat you then I will crawl around Konoha one hundred times. If I cannot do that then I will climb up the hokage monument using only my tongue!"

"I take your students for one week and you take mine."

"The strongest ninja is one who can pass his abilities to his the next generation. A most youthful competition. I accept!"

x x x

The Next Morning

When Naruto arrived an hour before the time he was supposed to start waiting for Kakashi he was greeted by Maito Gai. His girlish screech and attempt to run away were in vain. "Running. A most youthful way to warm up before a workout my new pupil."

Naruto continued to desperately try to escape while Gai paced him shouting encouragement. After forty-five minutes of sprinting he collapsed to the ground. Gai stood above him giving a thumbs up. "Very good. Tomorrow we will run twice as long three time as fast or I will do one hundred pullups with my left thumb!" Gai then threw Naruto over his shoulder and ran back to the training ground.

"Dynamic entry! There you are Sasuke and Pinky. Remember that in the summer of your youth that being on time is late and being early is on time so the only youthful act is to be early. My eternal rival told me to give you this."

"His ways are dark and those who walk them never return." Murmured Sasuke.

"I assure you that there is no room for darkness when you are consumed the flames of youth. From your sensei." Gai handed a scroll to Sasuke.

Sasuke read, "Sasuke, Pinky, and Naruto, secrets are supposed to be kept. Blame Naruto for this week. Despite his appearance Gai is the best taijutsu expert in the village and I expect that you will learn a lot from him. If you don't I already have jumpsuits picked out for you. Your wise and learned sensei, Hatake Kakashi."

"Damn it." Sakura punched a tree leaving a sizable indentation. "Does he even know my name?"

"Probably not." Sasuke said. "That could form into trust issues later in our relationship. You should tell Sensei what your feelings are on the issue, Sakura."

"Yes. My rival is often too hip. You must make him recognize you through hard work, Sakura!"

Naruto took the opportunity to try to sneak off. Staying low and keeping to the bushes he almost made it ten feet before he was picked up by Gai. "Haha, we aren't working on stealth training this week, young Naruto. This week we learn how to break things in a most youthful manner. Now fight!" Saying that he threw Naruto head first at Sasuke.

**Author's Notes: I don't own Naruto.**

**Anbu sign language would probably not be used for anything close to normal conversation. If you can't figure it out Kakashi signed "Sakura and Sasuke know about Naruto and the Kyuubi." The hokage signed "Your decision." He then followed it by "Change of plans. Punish Naruto."**


End file.
